It’s been quite a sombre past few months. Been attending more wakes and memorials over zoom than expected while finding it tough to navigate friendships. I must say, I feel pretty lonely. Along with that, I feel lost, and as I feel like I’m finding my way, something would happen which leaves me wondering where I stand with this person or that friend.
And I swing between choosing not to overthink and just go with the flow, but also worrying that my inaction or denial is more harmful than what I predict, and I’m tired, I really am. Some days are better than others, but as the lyrics of a beloved song go, it feels like “I’ve been living with a shadow overhead,” and “sleeping with a cloud above my bed.”
In this low, I look to Christ and am reminded that I am approved and loved, and that my heavenly Father promises to never leave me nor forsake me. As much as I wish I could skip to the good part, God is working in me, transforming my heart and growing my character, that I might be strong, courageous and firmly planted deep in His Word. Though I am in numbing pain, I look to the cross and surrender myself again and again.
I have been learning a lot in clinic. In the past 2 weeks after returning to clinic from our mid-semester break, I’ve made many mistakes and had some tough days, but am gaining so much from each session. Last Friday at Oral Diagnosis, a patient came in for a chipped filling, and we took an X-Ray to check if the filling had let in any decay beneath it. All looked good and I told the patient the good news, that all we needed to do today was patch up the chip. Just as I was about to give some local anaesthetic, I saw a draining sinus, indicating that the tooth had some serious underlying issue, possibly being dead. I had to then inform the patient that the tooth needed root canal treatment. What a rollercoaster I had caused, simply because I had not done a thorough enough examination. Many learning points from that session alone.
It’s also been tough to accept that as more of my friends find their own significant others, we won’t get to hang out as much anymore, and that’s just the reality of it. I am grateful for my family and the few friends that I can still talk to, but I also know they can’t be with me 24/7 and what I need to work on is a healthy self-regulation of my emotions that rests upon a daily dependence on God.
All in all, I can’t say that I have been happy, I really can’t.
But I have been thankful.
Do you even dentist? 