These past 6 months have been filled with long discussions and chats with friends, rapidly wavering between planting myself in Adelaide or moving back to Singapore. After much prayer, songwriting and reflection, I have decided that I will return to the little red dot in 2024.
I had 2 significant chats with David Broxholme (Dave), one of the pastors at Holy Trinity Church Adelaide. The first one was back in April, and the second in June.
The April conversation
I had shared with him about my dilemma of wanting the best of both worlds.
A lot of my reasons for wanting to stay in Australia revolved around comfort and familiarity. I’ve been here for close to 5 years now, and I’ve come to be surrounded by a very loving community here, especially in church. The way of life has also allowed me the opportunity, or rather the time to discover and pursue many new hobbies. I like who I am here. But at the same time, some piece of me just feels out of place, and the unbearably cold winters remind me so as well.
Going back to Singapore is scary. I think of how stressful it would be adjusting back to the Singaporean working culture, having to learn a new system of dentistry, working in an asian context that is vastly different to how I’ve been trained in dental school. How much time and energy would I have left by the weekend to serve in church? What will things be like with friends and family?
I told him, “Maybe I’ll just apply to both Singapore and Adelaide jobs and see what doors God opens.”
It’s how I’ve dealt with past decisions. Coming to Adelaide was a big door that swung open, and the only one at that. No dilemma there.
But he responded by challenging me to make an intentional decision, rather than pass the buck. Not to say that God can’t work in such a way, but it would be a “cop out” on my part, and I totally agreed. Chipping away at the ice around my motivations and being resolute in my decision would be an important step at this crossroad, and it would also help me move forward without regret. So I left that conversation having not made up my mind about where to go, but having decided to be decisive about it.
The June DIALOGUE
Dave had invited the Trinity Internationals bible study leaders and operations team (of which I was Social Coordinator) over to his house for dinner, where another pivotal conversation took place.
It was a lovely evening with delicious food, warm chats in the living room and the ever-exciting table tennis tournament in the garage against Dave’s kids (whom I have not won against until today). As I stood with my brownie + ice cream dessert, I was sharing with Dave about how I still felt unsure of my next step.
My thoughts flowed along the lines of: I know that I eventually want to go back, I do miss my family. Church back home has things happening that I would love to be a part of and serve in, and sprinkled the conversation with the same reasons for wanting to stay in Australia again.
After I spoke, he gently replied, “Well, it does sound like you’ve actually already made up your mind! Don’t you think so?” Immediately, I knew he was right. I think there was a lot of fear with wanting to make that final decision, because that would mean that I would really have to say goodbye.
But from that day on, I didn’t sway back and forth between wanting to stay in Adelaide anymore. I had a quiet peace in my heart despite the bittersweet knowledge of my chapter in Australia coming to a close.
Ruminate and refine
I began to understand my motivations as well. I’ve been so blessed to have walked alongside brothers in Christ like John (Bang), who from the very first year, has challenged my faith and showed me what “healthy skepticism” looks like 😉 He has been a tremendous encouragement in my lowest moments and has been a conduit for Christ’s love and light to illuminate dark corners of my life. This final year together has also been so fun, with lots of tennis in the summer and plenty of board games in the winter, and that’s in addition to being in the same clinic group AND heading to Tasmania together come August until December. With his plans to head back to Sydney after graduation, I thank God for this season of life with him, and for how he has been both a friend who has shown much love and a brother to me amidst adversity, as written in Proverbs 17:17.
It also makes me realise that it is difficult to be held and hold others accountable if I keep moving once every few years. The longer I stay, the harder it would be to say goodbye. Similarly, the sooner I move back to Singapore, especially since I know I eventually want to, the more time I have to settle in and grow alongside others in intentional, Christ-centred relationships. Having that support in this Christian walk, where it is so easy to be tempted to live my life the way I want to or the way the world calls me to, is extremely important. Hence, it is another factor that was part of my decision to return home.
Aside from John and Dave Broxie, I want to thank Oscar, Michelle and each of my family members for patiently listening to me, praying for me and sharing your own wisdom and experiences.
Reality sinking in
7 weeks. That’s how long I have left in Adelaide. In 7 weeks time, John and I will drive 8 hours to Geelong and take ferry that is just as long to Devonport, Tasmania for a 3-month clinical placement that would mark the completion of our Bachelor of Dental Surgery degree.
Just over this weekend, I was at a leader’s retreat about an hour’s drive out of the city. 12 of us stayed in a farm shed for 3 days and 2 nights. It was a wonderful time of fellowship, training, boardgames, amazing food and also shivering at night in the cold. I came home feeling really grateful for the warm community of young adults that I’ve been a part of at Trinity Church Adelaide. As I thought about what I would like to say to them before I leave (along the lines of how much I’ve been blessed by each individual), tears welled up quickly and before I knew it, I was hunched over in my room, face buried in hands, catching my breath in between sobs.
God has been so good to me these past 5 years. He brought me into His loving arms, revealed more of Himself to me through His Word, embedded His truth deeper into my life and surrounded me with a community that wrings my heart as I say goodbye.
Father Lord, as I reflect on this chapter in my life, I want to say thank you. Thank you for giving me a family when I was homesick, for sending me shepherds when I was lost, and for Your Word that is now and forever my anchor and refuge. Wherever I go next, use me to serve and bless, to love and shed light as I trust and obey.
My future is uncertain to me, but not to You. Going back to Singapore may be the next season of my life, but Lord, I eagerly await the day when I too will say, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and He will dwell with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (Rev 21:3-4) My home is not in Singapore, nor is it in Adelaide, but it is in Your perfected kingdom when Jesus returns.
Until then, let me run this race with perseverance, fixing my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith. All glory be to Christ, our king.
In Jesus’ most holy and precious name I pray, Amen.
Do you even dentist? 